are you so shy because you have an std?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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