I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
