I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
