If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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