I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
