i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
