similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
