I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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