the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
