Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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