the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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