Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
