theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
