My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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