hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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