So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize