I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
