So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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