the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize