So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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