quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
