I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
