tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
