Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
