Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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