it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize