Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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