you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
