When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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