sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
