You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
