dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize