He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
