there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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