Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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