the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
