Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
