someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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