You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize