i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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