it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
