saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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