In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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