fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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