i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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