My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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