He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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