your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
