you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
