Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
