dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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