I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
