yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i think i have two assholes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
