11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
