this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize