Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
