i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
