why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
