you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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