so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize