I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
