If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
