I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
