I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
