Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
