Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just pee around me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize