oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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