I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
